I was alone and had deep thoughts of so many things. I often asked my self of so many questions that left unanswered. I didn’t know why I came into life and I blamed time.
Why? Why? Why did it happen to me? Why I’m alone and hungry of a mother’s touch and love. Nobody cuddled and hugged me. Nobody kissed me like other kids out there. I am empty and lonely.
In my tender age, I lived in solitude away from brothers and sisters. (They lived with my aunties and uncles) I lived with my father after my mother’s death when I was three. One year after I kept on asking where my mother was, but nobody answered me. Deep inside my heart bleeds, tears silently fall into my cheeks. How hard to grow without a mother. I don’t even experience the joy of having loved by a mother.
At first, I thought things would be all right, but it wasn’t. As time passed by, I started to look for a mothers touch and love and I spent sleepless night thinking of her. Oftentimes I woke in the middle of the night crying and wishing that she’ll sing for me a lullaby while I am asleep.
How could it be to have a mother? A question I often asked to my self but left unanswered. All I have was my father. He is a good substitute. (He never remarried) In my thought, father did not look for a second wife because nobody could replace my mother. Indeed, that’s the only thing I could imagine for my mother. I have never seen, the only memory I have-is her picture. And the only story I heard about her was she dead because of having a rheumatic heart.
My mother’s death was the most tragic moment in our lives. Though, I was still young but as the time flies, I observed how our family suffered from the sudden loose of my mother.
Why did you leave me so soon? That was the only question I asked when I was six. It’s so hard to live without a mother. My heart bleeds every time I heard me playmate call their mom which I don’t have. So heart breaking! Mama, you were not here when I received my first medal, when I first sang the alphabet: all those were my childhood treasured moment.
In spite of those emotional hardships, I tried to be strong and it’s only God who give me the strength.
Now I’m seventeen, but still wanting my mother to be beside me. Truly, I realized that I really missed her. I want to hear her voice, I want to see her face, I want to touch her and most of all I want to know more about her. I want to share the entire little crazy thing I did. I am sure she’ll be happy and proud of me.
Mama where are you now? You must be proud of me because even without your guidance, I remain to be refine and gentleman. Papa taught me to be a good man.
When I finished my secondary education, and marched with Papa to receive my diploma, you were not there. How happy I was, but, all those would always be in my dreams. Mama, if only you’re her, you’ll be proud of your little boy who graduated with flying colors. Fourteen years since you left us; fourteen years of sadness and loneliness. It was like yesterday. But the wound doesn’t heal because you are so special to me. You will always be my mom “no matter what.
You know Ma, while I was writing this, I was in tears not because of self-pity that was just before, but because of realizing how I went through the hardships even without you. For sure, I have only one great mother and it’s only you.
Mama, I have lots of plans for my future. I want to continue my studies, finish my BS Electrical Engineering course, find a job and marry a woman like you. Whenever I may be and whatever I‘ll be years from now, I’ll share my entire triumph for you.
I have one secret to tell you. I permanently placed your picture in my pillow-that’s the only memory I have for you. I’m pretty sure we’ll meet at the rainbows end. I miss you and I love you …Mama.
